he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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