trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
