He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
