I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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