let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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