Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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