In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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