Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
