Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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