Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
