I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
