I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
