Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
