Kiss
Puke
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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