remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
