It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
