there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
