My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
