My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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