next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
