This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
