No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
