In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
