Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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