drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
