I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We need a shit load of segways right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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