when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
