Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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