Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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