Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
