Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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