the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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