a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
