I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
