Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
