420 ftw
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
