Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
