I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
