Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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