By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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