so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
