Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
