Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
