WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
