Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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