I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
