i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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