That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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