so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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