Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
