she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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