Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
