We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
