Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
