I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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