he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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