Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
