tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
