Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
