whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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