What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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