The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
