I think my vagina is haunted
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
