you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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