remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Where is the hickey?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
