well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
