I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
