gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
