you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
