i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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