So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
