Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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