I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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